Peace, calm, and rest are often seen as the ultimate goals in life—states of being that everyone strives to achieve. Yet, for some, especially those who have grown up in environments filled with abuse, chaos, or instability, these states can feel anything but comfortable. When you've lived in a constant state of hyper-vigilance, where your nervous system is always on high alert, the quiet moments that others find soothing may trigger feelings of unease, anxiety, or even fear.
The Uncomfortable Side of Calm
If you've grown up in an environment where you didn’t feel safe, your body and mind may have adapted to constant stress by associating peace and calm with vulnerability. In these moments of quiet, your brain might be scanning for the next threat, leaving you feeling exposed or unsettled. This discomfort can manifest in various behaviours, such as:
Being Controlling: In an attempt to manage this discomfort, you may try to control every aspect of your environment and the people around you. The unpredictability of peace might lead you to seek control as a way to feel safer.
Keeping "Busy": Constantly staying busy, often with distracting or addictive behaviours, is a way to avoid the stillness that brings discomfort. Busyness can serve as a distraction from the feelings of unease that arise in peaceful moments.
Lashing Out at Loved Ones: When the calm feels too unsettling, the pent-up anxiety might come out as anger or frustration directed at the people you care about. Seeking chaos through conflict might feel more familiar and manageable than sitting in the stillness of peace.- Never Settling: You might find it difficult to settle into jobs, relationships, or places for long periods. The discomfort of stability and calm might push you to seek new environments where the chaos feels more familiar. That shiny new thing/job/relationship on the horizon brings a sense of excitement that you might find what you’re looking for this time.
Overcoming the Discomfort of Peace Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards breaking free from them. Here are some strategies to help you embrace peace and calm without discomfort:
Implement Body Safety Cues: Your body needs to learn that it's safe to relax. Techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your nervous system and signal to your brain that it’s okay to rest.
Recognize the Root of Your Behaviors: Understanding where your discomfort with peace comes from is crucial. Reflect on your past experiences and recognize how they’ve shaped your current reactions. Awareness is the key to making conscious changes.
Practice Self-Compassion and Forgiveness: It’s important to forgive yourself for the ways you’ve coped with discomfort in the past. These behaviours served a purpose at one point, but now you have the opportunity to create new, healthier patterns.
Reduce the Pursuit of Constant Happiness: Happiness is a fleeting emotion, like any other. Instead of chasing it, focus on accepting that all feelings, including discomfort, come and go. By embracing the ebb and flow of emotions, you can find peace in the present moment.
Create Safe Spaces: Surround yourself with environments and people that feel safe. Creating a consistent, nurturing environment can help retrain your mind to associate peace with safety rather than vulnerability.
Embracing the Calm
Peace and calm don’t have to feel uncomfortable forever. By understanding the root of your discomfort and implementing strategies to create a sense of safety, you can gradually learn to embrace these states as natural and healthy. Remember, it’s okay to take small steps—healing is a journey, and you’re allowed to move at your own pace. Over time, you can redefine what peace means to you, allowing yourself to experience the relaxation you deserve.
Need help finding your peace and calm? Book a session with Deb here.
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